It's like a see-saw, really...

This week, I’ve been feeling pretty overwhelmed. I don’t really have too much going on, but for some reason, everything that needs to get done feels like it’s multiplied by four, and I feel completely swamped. Over the next five days, I have a blog post, Math homework, a Physics quiz, homework from the SSO, some reading, and a History test to do and study for, and a dance class and soccer open gym to go to. I know that some people who are taking more classes or more difficult classes would argue that this isn’t a lot, but for me, this is too much. I get home from school, and I feel like I’ll be up all night, even though I never actually am.

I don’t really know what I intend to do through this post. Do I maybe want to tell people that they aren’t the only ones who are stressed? To let them know that everyone wants to throw their backpack out of the window every time they look at it? Or is it to let people know that, once you sit down and get started, all of that work doesn’t seem so daunting. It’ll take a few hours, sure, but it won’t kill you. In a few weeks, you’ll look back and think, “that wasn’t really so bad.” In a few years you’ll look back and think, “that assignment has no bearing in my life whatsoever, why was I stressing about that?”

Maybe the purpose of this post is to talk about the delicate balance which comes with being invested and motivated to do well in school. You do have to take these things seriously. Homework is a part of your grade, along with tests and other things. Your grades go on your transcript and determine your GPA. Colleges look at your transcript and GPA (among other things) and decide whether or not they want you.  When you think about it this way, this assignment seems like a huge deal! But really, when you’re 45 and settled with your family, your junior year Math class will be the least of your concerns. These things, in the long run, are silly and small, so why should we even care about them? This is where the balance is necessary, because if you start to tip too far in the ambivalent direction of the scale, bad things happen. You might stop doing your homework and studying for tests. Your grades might drop and you might get a 2.0 instead of a 4.0 for your GPA. Colleges might look at this and say, “Woah, what happened to this chick? It’s like she stopped caring.” And your life might not turn out the way you wanted it to.

I used to become frustrated with people who told me that my best was good enough, and not to stress, but that I still needed to do well on this homework, or this test, or what have you. I would think, “So, you want me to care, but also not care. To try, but not kill myself trying. To worry, but not stress. How am I supposed to do that?” Balance. That’s the only way.

So, now that I’ve written this post, I can finally tell you what its message is; balance, guys. Try hard in school and do your best, but don’t let it kill you, because when you’re vacationing in Disneyland with your kids, you will definitely be thinking about other things.

The Rainbow in my mind.

One day I was in Pages for All Ages, which was a bookstore in Savoy (before it closed). I was looking through the young adults section, and I picked up a book called A Mango-Shaped Space. The cover had a cat and a bunch of colors on it, so needless to say, I was drawn in quickly. I flipped it over and read the back cover. There was a quote from the book which read “Everyone thinks I named my cat Mango because of his orange eyes, but that’s not the case. I named him Mango because the sounds of his purrs and his wheezes and his meows are all various shades of yellow-orange…” ‘Well that’s interesting,’ I thought. So I read on. The book is about this chick named Mia who is “far from ordinary. She is keeping something from everyone: sounds, numbers, and letters have color for her.” 'Okay, now that’s kind of strange.' I thought. 'Because I do that too…'

I was doing a craft project in elementary school, and I made a necklace with colored beads, which spelled out my name. I told someone about it, and they were kind of confused. As a kid, I usually assumed everything that I did was special, and then later I would find out that everyone did it. So, I naturally assumed that I was the only one who could see letters and numbers in color. Later I realized that I actually was.

As I learned from the book A Mango-Shaped Space, seeing letters and numbers in color is called synesthesia. There are around 60 different kinds of synesthesia, such as seeing a word and having a specific taste in your mouth, or hearing a sound and seeing a shape or a color appear in your vision. This happens because of “crossed wires” in your brain. I would try to explain it from a medical standpoint, but it probably wouldn’t make sense. One of the most common kinds of synesthesia is color-graphemic synesthesia, which is where you see letters and numbers in color. I have this kind of synesthesia, as well as another kind called number form synesthesia. This means that whenever you think of numbers, you form a mental map of the numbers. I also do this with days of the week, months, and years.

So, what exactly does it mean? Well, when I see numbers, letters, or words, I perceive them as a certain color. I don’t exactly see them as a certain color, I just sort of…understand them as a certain color. For example, the letter A is red (which I’ve read is a quite common perception for people with synesthesia, although letters and numbers are not usually perceived as the same color between two different people). I understand A as being red, even though I know, as I type it, that it’s actually black. All of the words on here are black because that is the color that I’m typing in, but I perceive them as being colored. Another example is the word Thursday. Thursday is totally yellow, even though there’s only one yellow letter in it (the h). So, with words, I see the individual letters’ colors, but then there’s also an overall color for the word. (I’m hoping these descriptions make sense.) For days of the week and months, etc, I have a certain image of the order of them. It’s not exactly like I see a picture of the days when I think about them, but I have a certain feeling as to how they’re organized.

I really love having synesthesia, mostly because I really like colors, and it’s neat to have everything be colored. I also love it because it gives me a really good memory, nearly photographic. I can remember numbers and names because of what colors they are, and dates because of the way that I see them ordered. I'm also a really good speller because I can tell when a certain letter doesn't belong in the word because the color is wrong. Some famous people with synesthesia are Nikola Tesla, and both Syd Barrett (founder of Pink Floyd) and Pharrell Williams are thought to have it, but it hasn’t been confirmed.

If you want more information, and a clearer explanation as to why synesthesia happens, Wikipedia has a pretty good page. In closing, here’s an example of how I perceive things; I’ll try to make this as accurate as possible, although sometimes it’s hard to pinpoint the actual color of a letter.

Vivian

This isn’t exactly how it looks, but you get the general idea. :)